Bones.

***THROWBACK journal entry: “I never been touched so gently; i was mesmerized by those devilish blue eyes. He asked me to be his girlfriend and never in my life have i ever felt so happy. I am living in bliss.”

Figures.

men are far too needy, they constantly have to have my attention twenty four fucking seven. I feel suffocated each and every time and often feel obligated to deal with you.

i enjoy being independent, and having my free time not being harassed with repetitive text messages and phone calls. Most of you bore me anyways; only interesting for the first couple of days. Soon, each and every word you say is recycled. I’ve heard them all, and sadly they just go one ear out the other. 

Maybe one day i will meet a mister right again, that will keep me on seats edge with his impeccable charm and intoxicating expression of intelligence. I’ll actually feel the tingle between my knees and feel enlightened to know that there are men out there with soul.

Vomit & Heartache.

I am twirling around so fast that i’m getting pretty close to be covered in vomit. You’re running around in circles, stomping in my brain with fists up in the air. You turn me into complete mush. I want it to stop, i am torturing myself with every little thought of you.

You’re getting married soon & you have a kid on the way.

I should of told you how i felt when i actually got the chance. Too late.

It’s improper to have feelings for you. After all, you told me to go dig my own grave. 

A year has passed, when are these feelings going to stop? I’ll always wonder about us. :/

I’ve been single for a year and six months & still going strong. :D

I am actually really proud of myself.

It is very surprising due to the fact after any serious relationship i had the tendency to latch onto some loser and drain him from his sanity and eat him up alive like he’s a delicacy.

No, not this time! 

I think i am going to keep it this way for a while now. I’m a lot happier, less stress and I have given myself the appropriate time to heal. I am over the habit of settling with just anyone because of the fear of being alone. After my last experience, i’ve came to the conclusion that you’re better off alone. There are so many mistakes i’ve made over a man. Instead of thinking what is important to me and a future, i was so blind into paving a world centered around a jackass. Once day, hopefully i will find a man that will treat me right, equally share the roles in the relationship, have the traits of honesty, respect and able to stay faithful. I know that i am not perfect at times with my temper and mood swings but at least he will be as patient with me as i go through my mental episodes. I could go down the list of million of things i would expect, though, i need to stop creating this image of Tom in someone else. I’m sorry to all that i have done that to, it’s just when you come close to perfect with someone you cannot help but to hope someone new would be able to fill those big shoes.

For now, i will keep sharing my heart with my friends in family that matter. They’ve been my support system improving my way of life. Not sure what i would do without them! I’m blessed for damn sure. Until then, my self centered ass is focused on my A+ abilities at work and kicking ass throughout college. There isn’t any room for games anymore.(:

FOREVER ALONE FTW!