Bones.

Just sometimes…

i miss the scent of a man with his strong arms wrapped around me.

a quivering gentle touch running along my curves.

and a light breeze of you breathing on my shoulder as you pull me in closer.

wah.

Figures.

men are far too needy, they constantly have to have my attention twenty four fucking seven. I feel suffocated each and every time and often feel obligated to deal with you.

i enjoy being independent, and having my free time not being harassed with repetitive text messages and phone calls. Most of you bore me anyways; only interesting for the first couple of days. Soon, each and every word you say is recycled. I’ve heard them all, and sadly they just go one ear out the other. 

Maybe one day i will meet a mister right again, that will keep me on seats edge with his impeccable charm and intoxicating expression of intelligence. I’ll actually feel the tingle between my knees and feel enlightened to know that there are men out there with soul.

I’ve been single for a year and six months & still going strong. :D

I am actually really proud of myself.

It is very surprising due to the fact after any serious relationship i had the tendency to latch onto some loser and drain him from his sanity and eat him up alive like he’s a delicacy.

No, not this time! 

I think i am going to keep it this way for a while now. I’m a lot happier, less stress and I have given myself the appropriate time to heal. I am over the habit of settling with just anyone because of the fear of being alone. After my last experience, i’ve came to the conclusion that you’re better off alone. There are so many mistakes i’ve made over a man. Instead of thinking what is important to me and a future, i was so blind into paving a world centered around a jackass. Once day, hopefully i will find a man that will treat me right, equally share the roles in the relationship, have the traits of honesty, respect and able to stay faithful. I know that i am not perfect at times with my temper and mood swings but at least he will be as patient with me as i go through my mental episodes. I could go down the list of million of things i would expect, though, i need to stop creating this image of Tom in someone else. I’m sorry to all that i have done that to, it’s just when you come close to perfect with someone you cannot help but to hope someone new would be able to fill those big shoes.

For now, i will keep sharing my heart with my friends in family that matter. They’ve been my support system improving my way of life. Not sure what i would do without them! I’m blessed for damn sure. Until then, my self centered ass is focused on my A+ abilities at work and kicking ass throughout college. There isn’t any room for games anymore.(:

FOREVER ALONE FTW!

It is over for me now.

You can tell when you are standing in the out group among friends. It starts with that false sense of security, then awkward uncomfortable tension fills that gap between you and the people you think you’re friends with.

We have nothing in common nor do i know anything about you. We only come together to drink what is in our hands and ramble about things that will not matter tomorrow. People call that fun, I call it empty. Only because i know i find myself eating lunch on my own, watching movies alone, going to bars alone, and going to shows alone. Social outings are meant for friendships because when i am out trying to enjoy myself, the anxiety builds from the envy i have for those smiling faces. Trust me i tried. I was pleasant, charming, witty and sometimes enlightened the group with humor. I know there are times i withdrawn and had a bitter voice towards the group, but none of you seemed to care that i felt uneasy.

In the end, i end up filling my life with materialistic things. Why so shallow? Only because i cannot have that connection with people what so ever. I have my books, manga/comics, movies, video games, ugly sketch books, my writings, my camera, my mac and the most important: my music. I live to socialize in my imagination and i am okay with that. I just hate days like these when loneliness creeps up on my shoulder and reminds me that i am alone & suck.

I wish i was a normal girl with real friends. :/

Dear Vagina,

Will you please stop pulsating. I understand it has been a very long time since the last time we went out for trouble but you have to realize that things are not exactly how they used to be.

You will get your way tonight, like every other night but just accept the fact you will never have the real thing again. I’m so sorry.

Love,

Ashleah.

I keep living in the past. My recent posts are drenched in its sappy reminiscing nonsense.

I can admit it, i’m lonely.

The friends i thought were friends have drifted far from shore. Or maybe it’s just me pushing through the tide away from them. Who knows? it’s just that this sinking feeling is taking over. I don’t think i’ll ever involve myself with another man. I just can’t see myself having that sort of passionate connection. Sure, i’ll be sexually frustrated but it’s better than being abused by some loser that will eventually cheat on me anyways.

I’m content with this time in life. I like my books, my ever enslaving job, late nights watching the same dvds, tumblr, ugly sketches, xbox, and tea. Soon i’ll be starting college so my mind will be more focused on more important things.

Another V-Day; FOREVER ALONE.

I don’t mind being single. In fact i prefer it.(:

I’ll be spending V-day with my best friend Katherine. We’ll be drinking wine, making cat collages, and having a sweet candle light dinner. Haha, kidding! No really, we support each other on this very lonely day indeed.